Establishing “boundaries” in a romantic relationship can seem intimidating to some people, as it is easy to assume that it might give off wrong signals to your partner, such as being emotionally uptight or reserved. Some may even think that boundaries sever the ties made with a partner.
However, boundaries in a relationship, although they may sound legalistic, serve a specific and important purpose: to keep you and your partner from crossing each other’s personal “danger zones” that can make the relationship difficult. This concept can even apply to relationships that begin in unusual ways, such as through random chat platforms.
When boundaries are set in a relationship, both parties are given a clear guideline as to which things are allowed and which are to be avoided. In short, boundaries make your relationships healthier by offering you and your partner a bit of an easier time to understand each other.
While most of us are knowledgeable about Emotional Boundaries, there are 5 more boundaries that you should know to establish a proper set of rules and regulations for you and your partner to observe:
1. Physical boundaries
This concerns things such as “Public Display of Affection” or how much you and your partner want each other to be ‘hands-on’ with each other.
2. Emotional boundaries
This boundary has something to do with how you and your partner feel towards each other. When you establish these boundaries, you and your partner can create an emotional ‘breathing space’ that allows both of you to protect your emotions and feelings when things become too challenging.
3. Intellectual boundaries
Differences in ideas, concepts, and mindsets will always be present, even in the healthiest relationships. Intellectual boundaries help you and your partner navigate these differences and allow you to respect each other despite their views on some issues. These keep you from saying something that may affect your relationship negatively.
4. Sexual boundaries
These boundaries allow you to determine what is comfortable for you and your partner when you are both in bed. This is a very important boundary to set since if you aren’t comfortable with your partner in bed, it can critically damage your relationship, especially for those who are sexually active.
5. Material Boundaries
Another very important boundary is material boundaries, which deal with things such as material belongings, money, and even the couple’s cash flow. Setting these in place will help you monitor your spending habits as a couple and minimize bad fights because of money.
6. Time Boundaries
Schedules, time for personal space, and sleeping time are some of the things that time boundaries handle. Once they are set in place, time boundaries help you to not overthink because your partner hasn’t texted you back for 2 minutes, and they also help you determine what to do during a specific time so that no one gets left alone to overthink for 2 minutes.
When setting these boundaries, it is important for you and your partner to have a good grasp of your values and of the things that you like, don’t like, and/or things that you are willing to give up for the other person, as these factors affect how you form your boundaries. And if you do have a good grasp of them, you can expect the health of your relationship to skyrocket.
How do I set boundaries?
Now that you’ve learned about these relationship boundaries, it’s time to move on to setting them.
The first thing you need to do is examine the boundaries you need for each category. You then have to sit down with your partner and discuss these things. During the discussion, it is essential to always remember that your partner may have some opinions as well as their boundaries. Discuss calmly and know when to compromise when the discussion calls for it. As you engage in the discussion, the boundaries that will ultimately endure may exclude many of the boundaries you thought you needed. However, establishing boundaries that align with your preferences is preferable to getting everything you want while forcing your partner to sacrifice most of their needs.
Once you’ve set your boundaries, keeping open communication with your partner is the best way to enforce the newly set boundaries. By engaging in open communication, you can discuss possible changes or deviations from the boundaries you have placed with your partner. The same applies to them as well. During these exchanges, both parties must always uphold respect to prevent the discussion from escalating into a quarrel. Respecting your partner also shows that you are sincere about helping them.
In conclusion, any healthy relationship will always have boundaries as a keycomponent to maintaining safety, comfort, and happiness. These boundaries are meant to guide you and your partner throughout your journey as a couple. With these 6 boundaries and keeping open communication with your partner, even though your life together may not be smooth sailing all the time, it will surely withstand the storms you will face.
References:
- https://www.psycom.net/relationships/how-to-set-boundaries
- https://www.marriage.com/advice/marriage-fitness/types-of-boundaries-in-relationships/#7_types_of_boundaries_you_must_set_in_your_relationship
- https://psychcentral.com/relationships/what-are-personal-boundaries-how-do-i-get-some#how-to-set-boundaries
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